a Greet from Januari

Hello there, here's my 4th blog site, the continue of my lifetime stories in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd before.. But i'll still active in my 3rd, so see u here and there!! ;)

Januari's Visitors Map

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Sesekali

Sesekali ingin menulis dalam bahasa yang tidak semua orang mengerti. Bahasa Indonesia? Oh Aci, yang benar saja!

Ya, saya merasa aneh setiap kali ingin menulis dalam bahasa ini. Bukan sok-sokan, hanya kadang jadi sedikit geli. Banyak.

Mungkin karena blog ini bukan berisi artikel-artikel serius yang membahas masalah sosial atau politik seperti apa yang dulu saya pelajari dan lakukan di masa kuliah. Bercerita masalah perasaan dan pikiran pribadi dalam bahasa Indonesia masih sedikit banyak membuat saya merasa kaku, terlebih aneh. Tapi malam ini saya sangat ingin. Boleh?

Saya rindu. Itu saja.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

What If

I'm not the kind of person who likes to telling someone/anyone to do something/anything right. With a hope that they'll just understand what to do with simple "What if.." question to theirself.
Am I wrong? Now I think so.

"What if it happened to me?",
"What if someone/anyone do that thing to me?",
"If it so, what would I feel in that position?",
"Will it hurt me? Or bothered me at least?",
...nah, forget it!

I'm just tired or being too much, MAYBE. As usual, blame the PMS!

Good night.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Communication

Don't love me unless you can communicate with me. Because it's the key.

I hate wondering. I'd rather wander.
I just need your seconds to let me know. Or just let me go.
Don't fake it to me. Unless you can fake it forever.
Love me long. Or just go along.
If someday we're unable to make it, remember that I've tried my best not to break it.

I just need a simple thing, called communication.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Have You Ever?

When you have so much things in your mind, and you start to questioning "how?"
When you are so excited about something, but you feel the fear at the same time
When even a story teller can't tell, and a writer can't write

Undescribeable

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Does it?

I still remember the reason why I always tried not to get attached to any person in my life before. I knew how it feels to be alone at any place and anytime without feeling lonely. I did almost anything by myself without feeling so hard about it. I felt stronger. I didn't give a chance for anyone to change it. Until Lord did.

Is it normal?
Now I feel needy, tired easily. It feels like my power decreasing, down, low. I don't like it. I don't want it.
I am happy with the love that I finally can feel now, I just don't wanna be weak.

For some person who really cares about me, it is a positive thing for me. For being not that too independent anymore. Because now I have someone who could taking care of me most of the time. But to me, it become a negative thing at the same time. Because I know, there will be some other time, when I should stand on my feet again without his help. When he's not around.

I need my power to stays at the same level. Not changing at all.

Love doesn't make us weak, does it?

Saturday, September 7, 2013

I love to talk a lot in an empty and quite place. Because when it's crowded, I better listen.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

My Babylove

Falling in love is easy, when it comes to a lil kid, just like him.

He's my 2years8months nephew. His name is Abiyu Ranza.

He knows how to love me back. Without fear, we put our trust in each other. Walking hand in hand, playing around with our steps. I love him! Always! ♥

Monday, August 5, 2013

Call Me, Weird

But, I love being a stranger in a strange place surrounded by strangers. It's true.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Guardian Angels

Sometimes, we don't need someone to talk to..

Just someone to understand us in silence.. Saying "I know how you feel" by their presence. By sitting next to us. Sometimes with a hug. No words needed.

I know I'm not a kind of person that easy to be undestood. But magically, God sent few people to the world to understand me just like that. Without any guidance, without any book about me to learn. God loves me. He definitely is..

When we're not together, their name gonna show up in my phone. Call me for hours just to laugh together. Or even text me by the messenger just to say "how are you today?".
When I need them, I don't have to wait long until they finally appeared in front of me. No matter how far.
Ya, they're kinda magic to me. God bless every friendship in the world!

We could cry in laugh, or even laugh in cry. I call them my guardian angels

Parents; friend since before I was born

 
One and only sister; friend since a lifetime

Mbak Ayin; friend since junior high school

Bebep; friend since senior high school

Sapi; friend since high school

Dimas; friend since high school

Unyun; friend since high school

Dear Lord and all of you my guardian angels, Thank you and I love you.. :)

x.o. Januari

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wake Up Call for the Dreamer; School for a Lifetime



Jakarta, August 28th 2012.

Now I understand why God put him into my life these years. He came to teach me the courage to love again and how it feels to be loved in the right way. But now he has completed the task. God loves him, that's why He doesn't let him continue to suffer by taking care of me anymore. School is over now.

This is my sorry to him. I'm sorry he had to know a person with a complicated heart and mind like me in his life. I really am sorry for that. I wish God will reward him with His best gift for this. I believe He will.

(I wrote that part above yesterday, when I was at a parking lot, right before I get out of the car to find something to eat in the mall. That thought suddenly crossed in my mind when I was driving, as usual. Never knew that I'll got a call from him an hour after.)

He's right, my mind is too shallow. I was the most selfish person in the world.

Yesterday was the first time I heard him angry. After years he was never angry to me, yesterday it finally happened. Shocked, but relieved. I deserve to get that anger for a long time.

Suddenly I can only keep quiet and didn't say anything anymore, after a few minutes earlier we had talked. Not because of angry, but because he was right and I knew I was wrong. And there was a little fear when I heard him angry to me.

At that time, in a center of the mall, my move suddenly stopped, my legs trembled. Right after he hung up the phone, I rushed into a coffee shop for a less crowded place so that people couldn't see me cry. Surprisingly, it turns out I still have tears, just like a normal human being.

Well, maybe that was a part of the test. To prove that my heart still able to work normally. Been a month I could no longer cry, until yesterday. There was pain but I can't shed a tear. Therefore, can cried again yesterday, I felt a little more human. Although for the reason that I'm still confused. Between regret, guilt and fear. I think all of it.

The school is actually not over. It is for the teacher, but not for me as the student. Will never..

x.o. Januari
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