a Greet from Januari

Hello there, here's my 4th blog site, the continue of my lifetime stories in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd before.. But i'll still active in my 3rd, so see u here and there!! ;)

Januari's Visitors Map

Monday, October 10, 2011

work to live VS live to work

Walking through the phases of life, then realized... Mom, I'm getting older..

Lately, I rarely walk down the sidewalk, or even just to spend some time alone in the mall. Don't know for sure the reason why, it could be because of my job, or some other reason that could be quite more make sense. For Heaven's sake, I really miss those moments! Looks like there's enough time that I gave to miss the things I love lately. Whether right or wrong, I can only believe that it should be this way.

Honestly, I miss beach. A lot(!) I miss the sound of waves and the sparkling planktons in it. I miss spending the whole night just to look at the sky with my naked eye, till the sun rise. That beauty simple things, that will never can be replaced by anything in the world, for me. But at this time, for a while, those things had to be pushed aside. For the sake of a life and maturity.

This time, I learn again, for the life of my own. It's no longer having fun every day on the strut of mama and papa. No longer a little girl who only knows how to have fun, but also know how hard the proccess before it, then attempt to get it, by her self (,by working). I make money, then use it for fun. Wisely (,that part I'm still trying; so hard).

What else? I'll tell you later. It's late already, and I have to go to sleep before my alarm wakes me up few hours ahead (for work). Ya, even my job kinda stop me from doing it (;write), my hobby, my passion, one of the biggest part of my life. I didn't say I hate working. I'm just saying it stop me from some things. And I hope I could make it balance someday. I will. I should.

Well, see you soon darling. Good night and happy working in dream! ;) *smooch

x.o. Januari

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Story of the Late Night Machine and Me

(Last night story)

Hello night, hello dark early morning, hello beautiful old moon, hello there! How are you?

This is me, here, writing in the very silence night as usual. With the dim light and soft sounds of music in my bedroom. Lovely.

Friday, June 17, 2011. 03:24 a.m already here, but unsleepy. Now you see how insomnia loves me too much. Hello insomnia, I love you too! (I have to admit) eventhough it's like gonna kills me for sometime. But in fact, that's what supports me best as a late night machine.

Late night machine? Yes, that's my lately nickname for my brain. The beautiful part of God's creation that highly productive in the middle of the night (mostly) in me.

Why night? Well, ask God for that one. All I know is just that it's so good to me to think at night. Maybe the silence, maybe the darkness, or even maybe the night cold air that brings the late night machine working so fast, so much faster than it's in the day light.

Lots of idea came up in the super late night hours to me for these long time. That's why I said insomnia supports me best here. Because at night I get the ideas, and at night I write. I should write! I should write it down imediately. Because if I bring it to my bed, it's just gonna gone with the dream when I'm sleeping, and I'll miss it when I woke up. Atleast that's what I learned about me and the late night machine all these years. Because not once or twice I did it (forgeting the idea), too much already. :D

Then, what I do? What should I do? The answer is only in a word. Write! Yes, I should write! (Again, I said) Not only this time I write about a thing over and over again, but most of times. Because that's the thing. That's the formula. Write it! Not once, not twice, but over and over again. You can make it hundreds or thousands even (if you can, and if want to). ;)

I write down my dreams, I write down my ideas, my needs, and even my wants, everytime I know it, everywhere! I write it down on the paper, in my notebook, in my cellphone, or even on tissues. I'll write it over and over again because I know it can be only need a second for me to forget what I wrote and where. So when I write it everywhere, there's also so much possibilities for me to find it everywhere (Even in my paper trash can). :P

Just like right now, I'm writing it down in my cellphone with me laying down on my bed. Kinda sleepy, but my late night machine won't let me close my eyes before I done it first. And I think I'm done now, done for tonight. I guess what the late night machine wants tonight is just to share you the story of it self. The story about a late night machine and it's owner (me).

Well, let's get some rest! Now it's time for me and the late night machine to stop working then play a little part in my dream. Good night world, sleep well. God bless you! :*

x.o. Januari

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

eenie meenie miney mo!

Hi there, how are you?
It's been so long, and I miss you all here so much, really! :)

Don't know where to start, as usual. I missed too many things to write in here. Almost 4 months have passed since the last time I wrote here. Things happen so fast, and many changes occurred. Not because I don't have the time I didn't write here, but because too often the change is happening, until I was too confused to tell it here. In a second black could be white, and vice versa in the next second. Abstract! Unpredictable.

Well okay, let's just start try to write something! ;)
What first?! Umm... Good news? Yes, I have some good news!

  1. I have officially become a baccalaureate last month. Yaiy! Finally, huh? Finally I did what I should do for a long time. With a little more desire and effort that left in me to reach it. And now I'm freeeeeeeeee! ;p
  2. This month I will have my sister again here, in the same town and home again. Therefore, I also have decided to seek work here, in my town now. In order to keep hanging out with my little family. I think it would be lovely! Absolutely! Yeppy! :*
  3. God has given a small gift that feels wonderful to my family some time ago. It felt so wonderful because it comes from my amazing parent's hard work. Thank God. I love You, always, even more and more each day!
  4. What else? Aha! Etc. :P
Thennnn... Bad news?? Oh, I hate bad news! Well, yes, it happened a few times. Even many times within a narrow time like yesterday too. And stilllll in the lovelife area. Common, huh? But ya, never mind. I don't want to destroy this beautiful atmosphere with bad news. Not now, and will never I wish. Not just not to write it down here, but also would never happen again. I guess I start to destroy the atmosphere nowwww...haha Okay let's stop it now and put a (point)

But hey, talking about (point), beside the (point) (.), hehehe a bit confusing, I'm sorry. :p The point of my blog today is about life and choices. Or call it life choices. Yes, many options which I have set in my life. There are some that still remain the same as the previous one, but many also have changed. Well, as we all know, life is all about choices.

The conclusion?
I just MISS this site too much, I MISS to write here like crazy, and I MISS YOU all here so bad! Just like I said before, I miss you, really! :) *hugs

Dear friends, may God be with you always. God bless you! Amen. :*

x.o. Januari

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

an old question from an old photograph

I was looking back a collection of old photos on my laptop when I found this photo again, and (again) the question arises in my head.

What's so exciting about being in a relationship?

I, my self, almost forget how it feels.

See the couple who were behind me in the pic? Ya, I guess they know the answer.

It's an old photo I had. It was about four years ago, but memories of the circumstances it was taken is still well attached in my mind. At that time I was alone in there, aware of the happy couples, and secretly taking photos of them by pretending to take photos of my own. I remember, that day I was so tired, alone, and very jealous of their existence. Funny huh? 

I am, not a person who has such good memories about relationships, I admit. Maybe it's also what makes me always wonder about the benefits of establishing a relationship. I remember it hurt, lost, and fight, which almost always happens in every relationship I ever had, which I never had when I was single. So, you've got the point right?

But now, a relationship is no longer only about the desire, it also a demand. Claims arising from a maternal instinct that started growing on me. Yes, I want to have kids. And also from my parents who want the same. Age does have an enormous influence on all this. The solution? 

Sometimes it feels funny to me to discuss. Because I feel that I no longer have a reason to avoid it all, but I was too busy to deny. Fear is the only thing that still haunts me, that makes me too difficult to start again. I know.

But I believe, someday there will be someone who can eliminate this fear by replacing it with a sense of security by love. So one day I can answer the question with a smile painted on my face. Amen. 

Realizing some changes? Yes, I'm trying to down that way. Wish me luck! :)

x.o. Januari

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Back for GOOD?

Hi there!
How are you? =)

It's been six months since the last time I wrote here. And I really miss you all!

I honestly don't know what should I write here now. Not because I don't have things to tell, but perhaps precisely because of too many stories that haven't had time to write back and tell you guys here. But I don't know where to start. Too complicated.

Well, many things have happened to me. Many things, but not much change anything. More or less, I'm still the same as you know it. I'm still a student, I still love the beach and walking, I also still silly and can not fall in love.
All the same, huh? ;P

I imagine what has happened and changed in your life for six months? Did a lot of changes happen? Or still the same, and nothing has changed, like mine.
I hope your life has changed and certainly better and more beautiful than ever! *Amin :)

Well, what if we're talking about the men who had come into my life for the past six months? Yiaa, MAN! Always interesting to read, right?

Indeed, during the six months I have met with many, many men with different characters. Some of them just want to have fun, and a few more tries to show his intention to have a serious relationship with me. Even some ex-boyfriend who tried to come back to me. Funny? Well, I know it's not.

The funny thing is probably going to be in this part. The part where I still couldn't feel anything to anyone.
I don't know why, but I always feel that this is a funny thing. Funny, when everyone was expecting to be loved, I can only waste the love I get. Silly? Ya, I think so.

Some of my best friends are always trying to remind me to be able to open my heart to someone. Someone who they feel deserves to be given the opportunity. Not just one, but several that have been overlooked so far. They always feel that I have wasted many opportunities to be happy by loving men who had come into my life. Because they thought the men were all good, and whoever I choose, they won't mind. Because they just wanted me to be happy. -----> Yes, they are very concern to me. Especially about my love life. My friends sometimes more concern about it more than myself. That's one of a thousand reasons why I really love them (Bebep, Mba Ayin, Unyun, Ressa, Sapi, Meymey, etc.) *hugs

Not only friends, but also my family, who began to expect me to start thinking about it. Things that previously I always try not to think about. But this time a must. What should I do? When everything still seemed impossible to me. When I still can't feel anything. I just don't want to disappoint anyone. Moreover, people who really love me. They always told me to try to get through a relationship with someone who loves me. But what should I do when love is not going to come? I don't want to make someone as an experiment. I don't want to hurt anyone. Especially those who come with love.
Then what should I do now? (Don't try to think about the answer. Because it would be very confusing. Trust me!) ;)

So let's just end this story here. 3 am here, and I have to get up and go at 6 o'clock this morning.

Till we meet again! :*

x.o. Januari
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