a Greet from Januari

Hello there, here's my 4th blog site, the continue of my lifetime stories in my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd before.. But i'll still active in my 3rd, so see u here and there!! ;)

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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

an old question from an old photograph

I was looking back a collection of old photos on my laptop when I found this photo again, and (again) the question arises in my head.

What's so exciting about being in a relationship?

I, my self, almost forget how it feels.

See the couple who were behind me in the pic? Ya, I guess they know the answer.

It's an old photo I had. It was about four years ago, but memories of the circumstances it was taken is still well attached in my mind. At that time I was alone in there, aware of the happy couples, and secretly taking photos of them by pretending to take photos of my own. I remember, that day I was so tired, alone, and very jealous of their existence. Funny huh? 

I am, not a person who has such good memories about relationships, I admit. Maybe it's also what makes me always wonder about the benefits of establishing a relationship. I remember it hurt, lost, and fight, which almost always happens in every relationship I ever had, which I never had when I was single. So, you've got the point right?

But now, a relationship is no longer only about the desire, it also a demand. Claims arising from a maternal instinct that started growing on me. Yes, I want to have kids. And also from my parents who want the same. Age does have an enormous influence on all this. The solution? 

Sometimes it feels funny to me to discuss. Because I feel that I no longer have a reason to avoid it all, but I was too busy to deny. Fear is the only thing that still haunts me, that makes me too difficult to start again. I know.

But I believe, someday there will be someone who can eliminate this fear by replacing it with a sense of security by love. So one day I can answer the question with a smile painted on my face. Amen. 

Realizing some changes? Yes, I'm trying to down that way. Wish me luck! :)

x.o. Januari
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